I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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