i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
