Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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