i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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