Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
