so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
