My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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