who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
