I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
