I will die if light touches me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
