WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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