I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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