dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
