its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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