are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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