we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
