I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Alive.
So much puke
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
