why didn't you poke me back
well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
