ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
