his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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