He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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