So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
