Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
