My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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