Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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