The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
