I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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