I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't deserve a penis
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
