sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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