I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
