My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Found the puke drawer
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
