I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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