mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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