my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
