6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The best revenge is premature balding
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
