time to smoke my breakfast
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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