Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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