Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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