omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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