I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
