barbara walters just said penis...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
