i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
