i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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