Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
