Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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