why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
