I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Cover your peen. We're going out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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