is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
