I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
