You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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