This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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