got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
