Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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