my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
