this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
