1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
