This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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