you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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