I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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