we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
