Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
