I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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