the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
