omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
