I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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